Apparently I am on a burger kick. It’s all I want – no matter where I go, so the other day I figured I should go check out Offsite Kitchen since, gasp, I was yet to try this one-room burger house that has quickly gained quite the reputation in town.
Right off the bat, I was pissed off when I pulled up. I have to sit where? Outside? Ermmm, you must be mistakin’ – it is over 75 degrees. Not only that but this place was fucking packed. Of course, this is a good sign but not when you are looking for a place to park in the dirt lot and are already shvitzing like a whore in church with anticipation of lunch. This place better be good. Obviously, I was hangry – you know, hungry + angry as I walked through the doors only to be greeted by this:
Ok, fine – you win, Offsite Kitchen. Who wouldn’t want Twinkies, Ding-Dongs or beef jerky as a side to their greasy burger? An ice-cold cooler stocked with Squirt and Tab starred me in the face as I tried to overcome my excitement. These thing combined are like every child who grew up in the 1980’s porn that they always dreamed would happen in real life. Remembering that I had come for a burger and not flashbacks to My Little Ponies, Care Bears and TMNT, I stood looking at the menu trying to decipher what was happening on their overwhelming board. As it often does, I couldn’t decide what to order so I went with the standard cheeseburger and fries…with a side of thousand island coleslaw. Oh, and a brisket sandwich. Oops.
Fighting for a spot on one of the picnic benches outside, I anxiously awaited my order. Just a few minutes later, a glorious site arrived in front of me. These are just the kind of burgers I would expect from a place like this. A lightly toasted bun, a slice of cheese that resembled Kraft singles all too much and shredded lettuce – ahhh, perfection! I fucking love burgers garnished with shredded lettuce. Is it just me or do they seem to be so much more refreshing and crunchy served this way instead of with a soggy leaf of lettuce?
I didn’t think it would be possible that the brisket sandwich at Offsite Kitchen would beat out the burgers, but it did. Served on a hoagie, deliciously seasoned melt-in-your mouth pieces of brisket practically fall on your face. I would come here any day of the week (during their ridiculously limited business hours) to get my BBQ sandwich fix. I was less than thrilled with the sides that I got with these incredible sandwiches. The fries, which I had heard so many wonderful things about, were lacking. They were fine, but nothing I would lose my mind over which all my friends over at Yelp seem to be doing. As for the thousand island coleslaw that I had such high hopes for? Bleh. Now, I am from California where we practically bleed thousand island dressing so perhaps my expectations were too high. This tasted just like coleslaw to me, maybe a teeny tiny bit sweeter than your standard slaw. This falls under the category of “never order again” for me and that itself is a huge letdown.
Since it was a burger I was seeking, a delicious one is what I got and I will just try to erase the memory of the fries and coleslaw and pretend that the brisket sandwich can be classified as a side order. Now, if only they would open for dinner…